
NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 



Baker's Edition 

5TPL7\Y3«& 




BS3 



A Picked-TJp Dinner 







cSfefef^^^^^E 



COPYRIGHT, 1689, BY WALTER H. BAKER &, CO. 



Plays for /Amateur 5f?eatrieals. 

BY GEORGE 7UZ. BKKEH, 

A * t xZ?S,nJ?&ZZ ^amas," "TkeMmk Stngtf "The Sochi Stvg*," "The Drying* 

Aoom Stage, Handy Dramas," Hie Exhibition Dramas," "A Baker's Dozen," etc. 

Titles in this Type are New risys. 

Titles in this lype are 'temperance Plays. 



DRAMAS. 

In Four A els 
Better than Gold. 7 male. 4 female 
char 

/// Three A cts. 

Our Folks. 6 male, 5 female cliar. 

The Flower «if the tamilj. 5 
male. 3 female cliar 

Eniistkd for the War. 7 male, 3 fe- 
nia'e char 

My Brother's Keeper. 5 male, 3 fe- 
male char 

The Liitie Ttftiwn Jua. 5 male, 3 
female char .... 

In Two Acts. 

Above the Cloud*. 7 male, 3 female 
char 

One H uud red Years Ago. 7 male, 
4 female char 

Among tub Breakers. 6 male, 4 female 



Bread on the Waters. 5 male, 3 female 
char 

Down by the Sea. 6 male, 3 female 
char 

Once on a Time. 4 male, 2 female char. 

The JLast Loaf. 5 male, 3 female char. 

In One A ct. 
-stand BY the Flag. ; male char. . . 
Vli,- JeiHjiter. 3 male, 1 female char. 

COMEDIES AND FARCES. 

.4 Mysterious Disappearance. 4 

male. 3 female char 

Paddle Your own Canoe. 7 male 

3 female char 

.4 Drop too M uclt. 4 male, i female 

char 

A Little more Cid^r. 5 male,' 3'fe- 
male char 

A Thorn Among the Roses. 2 male, 6 
female char 

^evkr S A v Die. 3 maie, 3 female char. 

'eking the Elephant. 6 male, 3 female 
char 

The Boston Dip. 4 male, 3 female cliar. 

The Duchess of Dublin. 6 male, 4 fe- 
male char 

Thirty Minutes for Refreshments. 

4 male. 3 female char 

We're all Teetotalers. 4 male, 2 fe- 
male char 

Mate Characters Only. 
A Close Shave. A char. ...... 

A Purlic Benefactor. 6 char. ... 

A Sea of Troubles. 8 char. .... 



COMEDIES, etc., continued. 

Male Characters Only. 
A Tender Attachment. 7 cliar. . . 
Coals of Fire. 6 char. ...... 

Freedom of the ^ress. s cliar. . . . 

Shall «»»r Mother* Yot« •? 11 char. 
Gentlemen of THK Jury. 12 char. . . 
Humors of the Strike. 8 char. ... 1 

My Uncle The Captain. 6 char. . . . 

New Urooms Sweep Clean. 6 char. 

The Great Elixir. 9 char 

The Hypochondriac. 3 char 

J lie Man with the Ue 1 11 i joint. 4 

char '. . . . 15 

The Runaways. 4 char , 5 

The Thief of Time. 6 char 15 

Wanted, a Male Cook. 4 char. . . . 15 

Female Characters Only. 

A Love of a Bonnet. 5 char 15 

A Precious Pickle. 6 char. . ..-..« 

No Cure No Pay. 7 char 15 

Tub Champion of Her Sex. S cliar. . 15 

Tub Greatest Plague in Life. 8 char. 15 

The Grecian Bend. 7 char 15 

The Red Chignon. 6 char 15 

Using the Weed. 7 char 15 

ALLEGORIES. 

Arranged for Music and Tableaux. 

Lighthart's Pilgrimage. 8 female 
char 

Tin- Kevolt of the Bees. 9 female 
char 

The Sculptor's Triumph, i male. 4 fe- 
male char 

The Tournament of Idylcourt. 10 fe- 
male char 

The War of the Roses. 8 female char. 

The Voyage of Life. 8 female char. . 

MUSICAL AND DRAMATIC. 

An Original Idea. i male, t female 

Bonbons; or, the Paint King. 6 male, 
1 female char 

Capuletta; or, Romeo and Juliet 
Restored. 3 male, 1 female cliar. 

Santa Claus' Frolics 

Snow-bound; or, Alonzo the Brave, 
and the Fair Imogene. 3 male, 1 
female char. 

The Merry Christmas of. the Old 
Woman who Lived in a Shoe. . . . 

The Pedler of Very Nice. 7 male 
char. 

The Seven Ages. A Tableau Entertain- 
ment. Numerous male and female char. 

TcTo Late for the Train. 2 male char. 

The Visions of Freedom, ii female 
char 



WALTER H. BAKER & CO., 23 Winter St., Boston. 



A PICKED-UP DINNER 



& jfarce in ©ne ®ct 



S 



HENRY OLDHAM HANLON 

AUTHOR OF " A DOUBLE SHUFFLE" 



SEP 3 1892 



BOSTON »" 



1892 



CHARACTERS. 



Mr. John Thompson A rich merchan, 

Mrs. John Thompson . . . . • . . . His wifi 

Biddy ,.....,... A servan, 



Costumes. — Modem and appropriate. 
Scene. — Mr. Thompson 's residence. 




Copyright, 1892, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 

TMPSfc-007055 



A PICKED-UP DINNER. 



Scene. — An elegantly furnished drawitig-roojn. Windows at 
back. Doors R. and L. Sofa, chairs, piano, etc. A small table 
at c. with a table-cloth almost touching the ground. Biddy dis- 
covered laying table. Cold meat, bread and cheese, and a cracked 
pitcher with beer in it. Old-fashioned knives, forks, and 
plates, etc. 

Biddy. Shure, I never heard tell of the like of it! Poor Mrs. 
Thompson ! She was in her right mind yesterday, arranging about 
going West with Mr. Thompson, and here she is to-day as mad as 
a March hare ! She didn't break out till this morning whin he had 
gone to business ; and no sooner did she get shut of him than she 
goes clane off her head, and ups and tells the cook and James and 
the others that they might have the day off — that she only wanted 
me. And what do you think she wanted me for ? Why, to set to 
and upset everything in the house! We tuk up the stair-carpets, 
turned the hall topsy-turvey, and locked up every room in the 
house but this one. Thin she opens a box in the closet up-stairs, 
and takes out these ould dinner things, and makes me lay the table 
here in the drawing-room with nothing to put on it but cold meat 
and beer and pickles and cheese. And they accustomed to sit 
down to the best of everything! Thin she ties a cloth over her 
hair, takes a feather brush in her hand, and goes about the house 
laughin' fit to kill herself. Poor Mr. Thompson! it'll be the death 
of him to see her carrying on like that. Here she comes, the poor 
soul ! 

{Enter Mrs. Thompson at R. dressed in an old tea-gown, with 
her head tied up, and a feather brush in her hand.) 

Mrs. T. Well, Biddy, have you done everything as I told you 
to ? Yes. I see you have. You can go now. Mr. Thompson 
will be here directly, and you need not come into the room until I 
ring for you. 

Biddy. Very well, ma'am. (Going.) 

Mrs. T. Biddy, one minute, please. I suppose you are sur- 
prised at what we have been doing to-day. Well, if you are, I 
don't wonder at it in the least. And I'll explain it all to you later 
on. but not now. 

Biddy. All right, ma'am. (Aside.) The poor demented cra- 
ture ! (Exit Biddy.) 

Mrs. T. (looking at table). There it is. Just as it looked for 

3 



4 A PICKED-UP DINNER. 

a good many years after John and I got married — before he made 
that lucky hit in Gas, and we became rich. Ah, they were happy 
days for all our struggles ! How often have John and I sat down 
to just such a plain little cold dinner as that — aye, and enjoyed it 
too, every bit as much as we do our grand dinners now ! The cold 
meat and pickles, the bread and cheese, and the glass of beer for 
John after his hard day's work. He drinks wine now, when he 
drinks anything. I wonder what he'll say to it all! Will he be 
angry? No! I've no fear of that; he's the best-natured man 
alive ; but won't he be surprised when he sees this dinner, and sees 
me dressed up like this. Here he is. I know his step. (Busies 
herself at table.} 

{Enter Mr. Thompson at r.) 

Mr. T. Why, Nellie, what in thunder is all this confusion 
about ? I thought you told me that there was to be no house- 
cleaning till after we had left for the West. You know how I hate 
it ! I had enough of it in the old days. And what ! What ! you 
don't mean to say we 1 re to dine here. And you dressed like that, 
and such a dinner too ! {Looking closely at table.) Why, Nellie, 
isn't it like one of our old-time dinners ? What does all this mean ? 

Mrs. T. Yes, John, that's just what it is, and what I meant it 
to be — one of our old-time dinners; and see, John, the same old 
knives and forks and plates that we used in days gone by. 

Mr. T. So they are. And the same old cracked pitcher. 

Mrs. T. And the same old beer, in it. 

Mr. T. Not the same old beer I hope, Nellie. 

Mrs. T. Of course not ; but I remembered you used to say 
that a glass of beer seemed to warm up a cold dinner. 

Mr. T. Yes, and I used to think so too. But say, Nellie, you 
haven't answered my question : — What is it all about ? 

Mrs. T. Well, John, when I promised you that there should 
be no cleaning till after we had gone, I had forgotten my precious 
china and ornaments. No, John, I could not bear to leave them 
to the tender mercies of the servants, for half of them would surely 
have got broken ; and we never could replace some of them. So I 
just started in, and have been busy all the morning dusting them 
and packing them away, and I haven't finished my work yet. I 
only stopped when I remembered that it was near dinner-time, 
and that it was too late to have anything cooked. Then I recol- 
lected old times and got sentimental, I suppose, and thought that as 
we had to eat cold meat we might as well have it in the old style, 
when we were so poor and so happy. 

Mr. T. Why, Nellie, are we not happy now ? 

Mrs. T. Yes, dear, very happy ; but then there was something 
so delightful and romantic in our early struggles. 

Mr. T. 'Pon my word, Nellie, you make me feel as if those old 
days were back again! And — Oh yes that's so. — I must have 
my coat off to keep up the illusion. (Takes off his coat.) And I'm 



A PICKED-UP DINNER. 5 

as hungry as ever I was then. Let us sit down and feel sentimen- 
tal and romantic. (They sit at the table.') 

Mrs. T. (laughing). Oh, John, fancy your pompous friends 
the Fortesque-Smiths seeing us now — eating a dinner like this! 
You in your shirt-sleeves and I looking the fright I do. 

Mr. T. (eating). I couldn't fancy it, dear. 

Mrs. T. And to think, John, that this is the very day that they 
were to have dined with us. 

Mr. T. Eh ? — yes — So it is, my dear, so it is. 

Mrs. T. The very day. And oh, wasn't I glad when you 
found that you had to go to the West and that I was to write to 
them postponing our dinner-party. I declare, John, it was one of 
the happiest moments of my life when I gave you that letter to 
mail, telling them that important business called you away. 

(John starts, upsets his glass with a crash, and stoops down, 
nebbing his leg.) 

Mrs. T. What's the matter, John, are you ill ? 

Mr. T. No, there's nothing the matter; only a momentary 
spasm at the heart. 

Mrs. T. Well, I've heard of some men wearing their hearts 
on their coat-sleeves, but I never heard of its turning up in that 
locality. 

Mr. T. I'm all right now. What was that you were saying, 
Nellie ? 

Mks. T. Only that instead of spending the evening cosily to- 
gether as we are doing, if we had not sent that letter, you would 
have had to talk business with old Fortesque-Smith all the 
evening, and that odious Mrs. Fortesque-Smith would have 
come here criticizing everything on the dinner-table through her 
gold eyeglasses, and that hateful Miss Fortesque-Smith would 
have — Why, John, good gracious, do you know what you are 
doing ! You are trying to butter your bread with cheese ! 

M r. T. Dear me, so I am ! (Begins stirring his beer with his 
fork.) 

Mrs. T. John, are you crazy? Why, you are stirring your 
beer with your fork ! Oh I see it all. (Rises.) This is your way of 
showing me how you despise my poor little sentimental dinner. 
It isn't good enough for you now. 

Mr. T. Oh, no, Nellie ! It is quite good enough. It isn't that. 

Mrs. T. Oh, yes it is, you cruel man, and I'll not eat any more, 
and I'll leave you to yourself, and go on with my work. 

(Puts handkerchief to her eyes and goes toward door.) 

Mr. T. Nellie ! Nellie ! Come back. I — (Exit Mrs. T.) 

(Mr. T. rises, puts on his coat, and comes down.) 

Mr. T. (after staring at the audiejice vacantly). Great 
Scott ! I never mailed that letter, and the Fortesque-Smiths 



6 A PICKED-UP DINNER. 

may be here at any moment. (Throws himself in chair, and 
wipes his forehead with handkerchief) Let me think how it all 
happened ! Yes, it was a rainy morning when she gave me the con- 
founded letter, and I had my mackintosh on. I put the letter in 
this pocket of it {putting his hand in the inside right-hand breast 
pocket of his coat), and just as I was going the rain stopped, and 
the sun shone out, and I took off the mackintosh and hung it up 
in the hall, forgetting all about the letter. What's to be done now ? 
They will be here inside of half an hour. (Thinks.) Yes, that is 
the best thing I can do. I'll go dress myself— meet them at the 
door — tell them that Nellie has the measles, or the small-pox, or 
something else contagious, and give them a dinner at a restaurant, 
and perhaps take them to a theatre afterwards. Anything rather 
than they should see poor Nellie's picked-up dinner. But they 
may get in here before I am dressed, so I'd better get rid of our 
ridiculous banquet. {Clears the tabic, putting everything under 
it.) Now that looks better! (Hurries off L.) 

(Enter Mrs. T. at R. peeping.) 

Mrs. T. Poor John. He has run off to dress himself, and 
escape, 'I suppose, — that's always the way with men, — they run 
away and leave us poor women to face anything unpleasant in 
domestic matters. It's a pity to tease the poor fellow, but some- 
thing must be done to teach him not to be so careless. He took 
the letter from me, and promised faithfully to mail it — put it in his 
coat-pocket, and then hung it up — the coat, not the letter-— right 
before my eyes, and went pff to his office, and never gave it another 
thought. I was going to take it to the post-office myself; but 
fortunately Mr. Brown called, to see John, a few minutes after he 
had left, and I gave him the letter, and then thought out this little 
scheme to frighten John into being more careful in future. The 
cold dinner and the cleaning up was only part of my scheme 
to show how awful it would have been if the Fortesque-Smiths 
had come and we in such a state of confusion. But Good Gracious ! 
where's the dinner ? What's become of it ? He can't have taken 
it with him. Let me see. (Looks around room, and then under 
tabic, and falls into a chair laughing.) Poor old John. He is off 
his head. Such a place to put the dinner. I wonder what he is 
doing now. (Goes to door L. and looks through.) Yes, there he 
is dressing as quickly as possible. What a hurry he is in ! and 
oh — look! — look! he is trying to brush his hair with a hand- 
mirror ! The poor man doesn't know what he is doing. Well, 
I'll keep the joke up a little longer, and then ease his mind, and 
let him have his dinner in peace. (Rings bell.) 

(Enter Biddy at r.) 

Biddy. Did you ring, ma'am ? 

Mrs. T. Yes, Biddy, please lay the table again. 



A PICKED-UP DINNER. 7 

Biddy. What am I to put on it, ma'am ? shure, the dinner's disap- 
peared entirely. 

Mrs. T. Oh ! I forgot. You'll find it all under the table. Mr. 
Thompson put it there. 

Biddy {aside). Lord save us! Is the poor man gone crazy too? 
Shure, it's as much as my life is worth to stop in the house now. 
{Stoops down and begins replacing the plates, etc.) 

Mrs. T. Biddy, I think the time has come when I must explain 
all this nonsense that is going on. (Mr. T. appears at the door in 
evening dress and listens.) 

Biddy. Just as you please, ma'am. Suit yourself. 

Mrs. T. Last Tuesday, Biddy, I gave Mr. Thompson a letter 
to mail. It was a most important one, putting off a dinner-party 
that we were to have given this evening to Mr., Mrs., and Miss For- 
tesque-Smith, people valuable to Mr. Thompson in his business, 
and whom he would not offend for the world. Well, Biddy, he ac- 
tually forgot all about that letter, left it behind in his mackintosh, 
and if it wasn't that I was watching him, the Fortesque-Smiths 
would have walked in upon us this evening, and we quite unprepared. 
Well, the letter was mailed all right, for it happened that Mr. Brown 
called just after Mr. Thompson had left and I gave it to him. I 
wish Mr. Thompson was as reliable a man as Mr. Brown is. Well, 
maybe this evening will be a lesson to him. (Mr. Thompson leaves 
the room.) 

Biddy. Shure, it's a pity, ma'am, to worry the poor gentleman 
like that ; but you know your own business best. And now, ma'am, 
the dinner's ready again. 

Mrs. T. Thanks, Biddy, you need not wait. {Exit Biddy.) 

{Enter Mr. T. at l.) 

Mr. T. Gracious Heavens ! Nellie, what have you done ? You 
have laid that confounded cold dinner again after I had put it away. 
Don't you know that the Fortesque-Smiths might have walked in 
while I was dressing? 

Mrs. T. {pretending to be surprised). The Fortesque-Smiths? 
What do vou mean? Why, you know I wrote to them, postponing 
our dinner. 

Mr. T. Nellie, will you ever forgive me ? that letter was never 
mailed. 

Mrs. T. Oh, John, John, you have ruined us ! What are we to do ? 

Mr. T. Nellie, don't stop to abuse me now : I know I deserve it, 
but we havenH time for it. Nellie, dear, you stay here and I'll 
meet them at the door, tell them that you are ill, and take them 
somewhere and give them a dinner. {Going.) 

Mrs. T. John, come back here, you old goose ! {Catches hold 
of him.) I have only been teaching you a lesson. I want you to 
be more careful in future about mailing letters intrusted to you. 
Fancy, John, if that letter had not gone and the Fortesque-Smiths 
were to have — 



8 A PICKED-UP DINNER. 

Mr. T. Nellie, don't stop me ; let me go. I tell you the letter 
wasn't mailed. 

Mrs. T. And /tell you it was. 

Mr. T. But it wasn't, Nellie ! 

Mrs. T. You're a nice man to contradict your wife like this, 
when I tell you — 

Mr. T. {interrupting her). Listen while there is time. I left 
that letter behind me in my mackintosh. 

Mrs. T. I knew that all along, you stupid man ! 

Mr. T. Don't interrupt me, please. I recollected it ten minutes 
after I left the house and turned back to get it. On my way I met 
Brown. 

Mrs. T. Oh John, John, don't say you took it from him ! 

Mr. T. I'm sorry to say, I did. He gave it to me, and told me 
that you had given it to him. I took it ; and when I got to the 
office I found oil had gone up, and in the excitement I don't know 
what became of the letter; but I'll swear I never mailed it. How- 
ever, we've no time to lose talking. Run to your room, Nellie, and 
dress yourself as quickly as you can, and it will look as if we had 
been expecting them, and then we'll set the house on fire. No, we 
won't do that, — we'll say the roof has fallen in, or the waterpipes 
burst, or anything. Be quick now, and I'll watch from the window 
and let you know when they are coming. {Goes to window; gets 
behind curtains and watches Mrs. Thompson.) 

Mrs. T. Oh that horrid dinner ! Why did I make Biddy put it 
back on the table ! I must get rid of it in case they come before 
I'm ready. (Begins putting dinner under table again.) Are they 
coming, John ? 

Mr. T. Not yet, dear. Make haste ! 

Mrs. T. There ! {Clears the tabled) Now I won't be a minute 
dressing. (Exit L.) 

Mr. T. (coming from, behiiid the Curtain, laughing). Now I'm 
having my revenge with a vengeance ! Poor Nellie ; it is harder 
on her than it was on me. How lucky I overheard her telling 
Biddy about giving the letter to Brown! The joke would have been 
all on me if I had not found it out in time. While now we are 
quits, and can laugh over it together afterwards. By Jove, I'm 
fearfully hungry! Weil, we'll have our dinner in a few minutes, as 
soon as Nellie is dressed, and I have my joke out. (Rings bell.) 

(Enter Biddy.) 

Biddy. Did you ring, sir. 

Mr. T. Yes, Biddy ; will you set the table, please ? 

Biddy (looking at table). Is it under the table again, sir? 

Mr. T. (laughing). Yes, Biddy; that's where it is. Mrs. 
Thompson put it there. 

Biddy (down on her knees). I'll be afther goin' crazy myself, 
next, if this kind of thing goes on much longer. 

Mr. T. Biddy. 



A PICKED-UP DINNER. 9 

Biddy. Yes, sir. 

Mr. T. Set plates and knives and forks for three more people, 
like a good girl. 

Biddy. Shure, there wouldn't be room, sir! 
Mr. T. Do as I tell you, Biddy ; make room. 
Biddy. Very well, sir. {Exit Biddy.) 

(Mr. T. places three more chairs at table.) 

Mr. T. I'll tell Nellie that I have a different plan — that we'll 
receive the Fortesque-Smiths, and that I think the dinner is quite 
good enough for them or for anyone else. She will be mad at the 
idea, and I'll have a little more fun at her expense before I tell her 
I was only joking. {Goes back to ■window.) 

{Enter Biddy with dinner-plates, etc., and begins laying the table 
for five; enter Mrs. Thompson in full evening dress.) 

Mrs. T. What are you doing, Biddy, laying that wretched dinner 
again ? Who told you to do that, you foolish girl ? And what are 
those other chairs placed for ? 

Biddy. Mr. Thompson told me for to do it, ma'am. 

Mr. T. (coming from behind curtains). Yes, Nellie. I have 
come to the conclusion that we had better brazen it out ; and if the 
Fortesque-Smiths don't like the dinner, why, it must be because 
they were never sentimental and romantic people in their younger 
days. 

Mrs. T. Are you mad, John ? I wouldn't have them sit down 
to a table like that for — 

Mr. T. Hush ! Listen ! I hear carriage wheels. {Runs to 
window.) Yes, here they come — in great style too — I know their 
coachman's plum-colored livery. 

(Mrs. T. screams and falls fainting on sofa.) 

(Mr. T. rushes to her side while Biddy sprinkles her face with 
water.) 

Mr. T. {remorsefully). Nellie, Nellie ! It's all a joke. The 
Fortesque-Smiths are not coming at all. They won't be here to- 
night. 

Mrs. T. {recovering, and speaking in a faint voice). What did 
you say. John ? 

Mr. T. I say it is all a joke. You tried to make a fool of me, 
Nellie {she sits up), and I overheard you telling Biddy, here, about 
vour having given the letter to Brown. I never got the letter from 
him, and you may make your mind easy about those abominable 
people. 

Mrs. T. You cruel man, do you know you have nearly killed 
me? 

Mr. T. Forgive me, dear ; but you know it was only a case of 
tit for tat. 



10 A PICK.ED-UP DINNER. 

Mrs. T. Well, I'll forgive you, John ; but you must promise, if 
I do, to mail all letters I give you in future. 

Mr. T. I promise faithfully. 

Mrs. T. And, oh, you poor man, you must be awfully hungry: 
you have had nothing to eat yet. 

Mr. T. Hungry — I'm famished! Let us sit down again and 
dine, and Biddy, you can take away those extra chairs and plates. 

Mrs. T. No, Biddy, leave them where they are. They won't 
be in the way, and you can go now. 

Biddy {aside). They're quiet now. I hope they won't break 
out again. {Exit Biddy.) 

(Mr. and Mrs. Thompson sit opposite one another at table and 
laugh heartily.) 

Mrs. T. What a time we've been having! 

Mr. T. Yes; "After a storm comes a calm," you know. Let 
me help you to a little of this beef, dear. {Helps her.) 

Mrs. T. John, wouldn't it have been simply terrible if those 
people had come and we like this — and you, foolish man, to think 
for a moment of squeezing five people around such a little table. 

Mr. T. I was only joking when I suggested that arrangement. 

Mrs. T. I should think so! Why, Mrs. Fortesque-Smith would 
take up a whole side to herself, and she's small beside her husband. 

Mr. T. You don't think I was in earnest. Why, I'd shoot my- 
self before I'd sit old Fortesque-Smith down to such a dinner. 
He'd be sure to tell everyone, and the papers would get hold of it, 
and we would never hear the last of it. 

Mrs. T. Well, let us think no more about it. Take a little of 
this cheese, John, I know you will like it : it was your favorite cheese 
once. 

{Enter Biddy with a letter on tray ; Mr. T. takes it and puts 
it on table beside him. Exit Biddy.) 

Mr. T. Another interruption to our dinner ; but I won't let it 
disturb us. I'll not read it until we are through. 

Mrs. T. Oh, read it, John ! it may be something important. 

Mr. T. Woman's curiosity. Well, read it yourself, then, {hands 
letter) go ahead. 

(Mrs. T. opens letter, reads a little to herself, screams, and 
falls back in chair. Mr. T. jumps up, runs around, and takes 
letter from her hand.) 

Mr. T. {reads). 
" Dear Thompson : 

" I never can forgive myself! I never did such a stu- 
pid thing before in all my life ! Mrs. Thompson gave me a letter to 
mail last Tuesday, I think it was, and well — I've got it still. Find 
out from .her if it was important, and let me know if I am to mail it 
now or not. Yours penitently, 

"Arthur Brown." 



A PICKED-UP DINNER. II 

We're in for it now and no mistake. {Runs to Mrs. Thompson 
and supports her to the front.) Nellie, Nellie, dear, rouse your- 
self; something must be done. {Loud ringing of bell.) Oh, Lord ! 
here they come ! quick Nellie, let us get these things out of sight! 
(Mr. T. runs to door and locks it, and then they both kneel down, 
Mrs. T. half fainting and flinging the dinner under the table.) 

{Knocking at the door, R.) 

Biddy {voice outside). Open the door, please, sir. 

Mr. T. In a minute, Biddy. {After finishing clearing the table 
Mr. T. opens the door and Biddy enters with telegram.) 

Mr. T. What's this about? {Tears it open and reads.) Mrs. 
Fortesque-Smith to J. Thompson, Esq. 

" Sorry we can't dine with you this evening. Mr. F. has attack 
of gout, tendency towards stomach. Pray excuse us." 

Mr. T. {raising Mrs. T.from the ground) . Now, indeed, we 
can breathe freely. 

Mrs. T. Oh, that Mr. Brown ! I'll never speak to him again ! 

Mr. T. Well it has turned out all right in spite of your having 
intrusted your letter to a " reliable man." 

Biddy. Will I take the dinner from under the table again, sir ? 

Mr. T. No, Biddy, we have had two courses already, and we 
don't feel inclined for a third, do we, dear? 

Mrs. T. No, John ; and do you know that I don't believe I'll 
ever eat cold meat again ? 

Mr. T. Yes you will, and so will I ; but if you invite any of our 
friends, don't forget to word your invitation this way : " Mr. and 
Mrs. Thompson present their compliments to Mr. and Mrs. So- 
and-So, and request the pleasure of their company on such-and- 
such an evening, to partake of one of Mrs. Thompson's famous 
(Mrs. T. tries to box his ears) one of Mrs. Thompson's famous 
' Picked-up Dinners.' " 

CURTAIN. 



A NEW PLAY FOR GIRLS. 



The Chaperon, 

A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS, 

By RACHEL E. BAKER, 

PART AUTHOR OF "AFTER TAPS," ETC. 



Fifteen female characters. Scenery not difficult. Costumes, tennis gowns 

and modern street and evening gowns, with picturesque 

Gypsy costumes for Miriam and Jill. Time 

in playing, two and a half hours. 



Price 



SYNOPSIS : 

ACT I. Jack and Jill. A love game. Cousins for sale. "My kingdom for 
a hairpin." The French teacher. A few conundrums. Miriam and Jill. 
The Gypsy's hlessing. Nora and the French language. Billet-doux and 
Billy Manahan. An invitation. " I will be your chaperon ! " Telling for- 
tunes. The Tennis Drill. Tales out of school. Joyce and the beggars. 
The accusation. Joyce to the rescue. " I cannot look into your eyes and 
believe you guilty." Under a cloud. The Gypsy's prophecy. "Miriam the 
Gypsy has spoken, and she never breaks her word." 

ACT II. The CnAPEKON. In the studio. Nora and the man in armor. A 
spiritual manifestation. Eavesdropping, Locked in. The artist's model. 
A little lark. The bogus chaperon. The skeleton in the closet. Romeo 
and Juliet adapted. Miriam the Gypsy. The secret of the papers. "God 
be with them and with those to whom they belong!" Masquerading. 
Nora's jig. A surprise and an escape. The school-ma'am outwitted. Tins 
Minuet. Jill and Joyce. The locket. " It means that the waif has found 
a home at last ! " Sisters. The Gypsy again. " Your duty lies with them, 
make their lives as happy as you have mine." 

ACT III. " Like Other Girls." A five o'clock tea. Anticipations. The 
French teacher again. A lesson in politeness. A nice hot cup of tea. 
Nora's revenge. Apologies. Mademoiselle's confession. I- topic it ; it was 
only for ze revenge." Forgiveness. "Rushing tea." Confessions. From 
grave to gay. An Adamless Eden. Superfluous man: a few portraits of 
him. Explanations. The fulfilment of Miriam's prophecy. A mystery 
cleared. ' ' The little one I mourned as dead is alive." Our chaperon. 



A NEW PLAY FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS. 

A Companion to "REBECCA'S TRIUMPH." 

ANITA'S TRIAL; 

Or, Our Girls in Canip. 

By Esther B. Tiffany, author of "A Rice Pudding," "That Patrick," 
" Young Mr. Pritchard," etc. 

Price, -------25 cents. 

This is a bright and sparkling comedy in three acts, for eleven 
female characters. Its story is entertaining, and its dialogue dis- 
tinguished by this author's delicate humorous touch. One scene only 
is necessary for the three acts — a camp in the woods, easily arranged. 
The dresses are simple and picturesque camping costumes. The enor- 
mous success of "Rebecca's Triumph " lias created a demand for this 
sort of piece, to meet which we confidently present "Anita's Trial," 
in which is solved, with no less success than in its predecessor, the 
difficult problem of constructing a play of strong human interest with- 
out the assistance of male characters. 



The O hrqnqthanatoletrq n; 

OR, OLD TIMES MADE NEW. 

An entertainment in one act for sixteen girls, written for the Class Day 
Exercises at Dana Hall School, Wellesley, Mass., by two members 
of the Class of '87 and first performed before members of the school 
and their friends, June 18, 1887, and later at Ellsworth. Maine, 
April 6, 1888. 

Price, ------- 25 cents. 



THE PEAK SISTERS. 

A humorous entertainment for young ladies. Arranged by Mary B. 
Horne. Any number of ladies may take part, but seven only are 
necessary. No scenery; costumes very simple. This laughable 
trifle meets with invariable success wherever performed. 

Price, -------15 cents. 



THE BOOK OF DRILLS. 

A group of entertainments for female characters for stage or floor per- 
formance, by Mary B. Horne, the author of " The Peak Sisters," etc. 



Price, 



WALTER E BAKER & CO,, PnMisliers, 23 Winter St, Boston, 



AN ENTIRE N library of congress 



THE GREAT 




016 103 817 9 



Dime Show 




AN ENTERTAINMENT IN ONE SCENE, 

By MARY B. HORNE, 

Author of "The Peak Sisters," Prof. Baxter's Great Invention. 

"The Book of Drills," "The Carnival ok Days," 

"Plantation Bitters," Etc. 



Nine male, seven female characters. Costumes simple; scenery an ordinary 
interior, or may be dispensed with altogether. Plays from half an hour upward, 
according to the number and character of additional specialties introduced. 
Printed exactly as Bret performed by the Unity Club, Watertown, Mass.*, ou 
Friday evening, February 5, lS'Jl!. 



This most amusing entertainment is a burlesque of the ordinary "dime- 
museum," so-called, but is entirely devoid of the vulgarity of its original, and 
perfectly adapted to church or home performance. The characters are, save the 
lecturer and her iissistant, a wonderful collection of "freaks" of nature (some- 
what assisted by art) who sing, dance or recite, according to their special 
abilities, in illustration of the explanatory lectu e. It is most elastic in its 
requirements, can be played on any stage or platform, with or without scenery, 
and '-Hit a greater or smaller number of characters, according to taste or 
necessity. It can be made uproariously f uuny, and is in character as well as fact 

A SEQUEL TO THE PEAK SISTERS. 



Price, 



15 Cents. 



SYNOPSIS. 

SCENE. — The exhibition hall of Sister Keziah's Show. Sister Keziah's intro- 
ductory lecture. Johuatb.au, the bashful assistant. Introductory hymn. 
Introduction of the "freaks." Daniel MCGrS'TV reiHvietu. Daniel's song 
Ll'CIA Z\RATE, the celebrated Mexican dwarf. Kioto, the shortest man 
alive, not financially. The wonderful jMeu.maid. The Mermaid's song. 
CAS8IUS White, the ossified boy. A "rocky" recitation. Kallili', the 
only specimen of his kind in captivity; illustrated by cuts. Sionok Galassi, 
the celebrated Glass Eater. Galassi sin^s. .ALLEGRO Penseroso, the won- 
derful two-headed girl; not to be confounded with the more common two- 
faced girl. Two ways of eating a pickle. Ida and Ionf.. the Grecian 
maidens. RAPHAEL Tixtor#:t, the blind painter, who paints blinds in full 
view of the audie< ce. Ah Chin and Win Lino, the Chinese twins, ex- 
tremely well connected from birth. " The Land of Tea." KA-FOOZL1 
the Turkish vocalist. Grand finale and curtain. 



